Saturday, September 5, 2009

Once upon a time...

Sometimes, when I think about my beloved, I am brought to tears. I think about how much he loves me. More than any other man has loved me. (besides family) I think about everything he does for me.

I am so blessed.

I can't help but think about those first few weeks. I wish I had journaled more back then. But I still remember how it felt.

We first met in a chat room. We were both bored. That's probably an understatement. I was literally sitting there, staring at the tv. Bored out of my mind.

For those of you who don't know, I had been single for over 3 years at that point. I was beyond picky about any guy I talked to, much less dated. Usually, I knew within the first few minutes, if I wanted to even continue a conversation with a guy. So for me to actually talk to him for more than 10 minutes was an accomplishment on his part!

I didn't go out anywhere. Ever. Except to church, or to have girls' night with my sister. I had no interest in any of the guys at church. They were all either way too old, way too young, engaged, married, or I had grown up with them. And I wasn't going down that road.

So I reverted to my old habit of Yahoo chat rooms. I stuck with the christian or TN rooms. Unfortunately, Yahoo had become so much worse over the years. It was all spam-bots. It became almost impossible to even find real people! And then, the few actual people I found were all older, perverted men.

I told myself that I wouldn't talk to anyone over 30. I like older guys, but not TOO much older. Guys my age are just idiots.. LOL!

When I started talking to Matthew, it was kinda like something clicked. He was charming and funny. He was sweet and genuinely interested in talking to me.

And he was 34.

*GASP* I know. But I was SO bored that I didn't care. I thought, "Its not like I'm gonna date the guy. I'm just gonna talk to him so I don't bore myself to death."

Hours later, we finally signed offline. The next night, we did the same thing. Chatting for hours. I didn't care that I had to get up early for work. He didn't care that he wouldn't get any sleep before PT in the morning. We just wanted to talk to each other.

The next night he called me. I'll never forget it. It was Veteran's Day. Since he's a soldier, I told him "Thank you for serving our country." He said "You're welcome. Can you believe you're the first person who's told me that?" That was a long night too. We talked about so much. Happy, sad, funny, serious. You name it, we talked about it.

My heart was very guarded. I had been hurt too many times. I didn't want to be hurt again. He was worried about me hurting him. I assured him, he had no reason to worry.

I didn't want to fall in love. I have the habit of falling much too quickly, which is how I ended up hurt so often. So I was literally scared of it. But the longer we talked to each other, the more I felt drawn to him. Connected to him.

We met for the first time 5 days after that first conversation online. I was nervous, and wanting to be smart about my safety. So my sister, roommate, and my cousin (who is marrying the roommate in a few months) went with me. Matthew drove an hour to see me. *NOTE: This is the FIRST man who has come to see me. I always went the distance to see other guys.*

Since I wasn't 100% sure he wasn't like a serial killer or something, I didn't give him my address. We met him at McDonald's. LOL. He got in Amanda's car and we went to Olive Garden. It's his favorite restaurant and we all love italian. He was so funny. Had us all rolling throughout dinner. (Eric, I haven't forgotten the almost food showers from you laughing!)

After dinner, we headed to the movie theater to see the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace. Now, this part gave him MAJOR points. He didn't just pay for mine and his ticket. He paid for my sister's too! Those of you who know me, know that she's one of my best friends, and one of the most important people in my life. So that was HUGE! And it was a total surprise. I swear, I almost had tears in my eyes, it was so sweet.

The drive back to his car was kinda awkward. I felt like asking him to come back to our house to hang out longer, but I didn't really want to do that on the first date. So when we got to his car, we all said goodbye. I didn't even hug him or anything. *yes, afterwards I was kicking myself for not doing so!*

We got home, and I was on cloud nine. I LIKED HIM SOOOO MUCH! I couldn't stop smiling. Amanda had a hayday with that. She was very excited about it.

We talked all night that night too. And every night that week. Two days after our first date, he told me he loved me. (he hates that he did it that soon and will probably be mad for me writing about it. I'm sorry baby! I love you!)

I was shocked. Not really that he loved me, I could hear that in his voice. I was shocked that he said it that soon. Or that he said it first. I had always been the one to blurt it out first. But I was determined to not do that again. So when he said it, it kinda took me offguard. But at the same time, the wall around my heart was struggling to not fall. Like I said, I was scared to death to get hurt again.

It was really late at night when this happened. Amanda was still awake, so I told him I would call him back and I ran to her room. We talked it through and I admitted that I loved him too. Yes, it was fast. No, we didn't know each other that long. But we knew a lot about each other from the all night long conversations. I felt like I had known him for years.

I didn't tell him on the phone. He came back down a few days later and we had our first alone date. Sitting in his car, before he walked me back to my door, I told him that I loved him. It was the best feeling. He kissed me and held me for the longest time. (he's a GREAT kisser. Just thought I'd mention that! Hehe.)

And we have been inseperable ever since. Granted, we lived an hour away from each other for the first 7 months, but we were always on the phone, and he would drive down to see me 2-3 times a week. He came to church with me every week. My parents even let him stay at their house on saturday nights!

I think I knew I was going to marry him on Thanksgiving day. It was only 2 weeks after our first date. My mom and dad let me invite him over for dinner. He hadn't been able to go anywhere because he had to work. (That's the military for ya!)

Now, my parents had never let any guy come over for holidays or something big like that. So for them to let him come over for Thanksgiving dinner was a big deal. I think my mom felt sorry for him when she saw how upset I was that he was all alone.

It was the greatest day. Everyone got along great. We had so much fun together! That is so important to me. When I saw my family getting along with the man I love, I knew it was meant to be.

He truly is the love of my life. I have never doubted his love for me, or mine for him. I have never had doubtful thoughts in the back of my head that something bad might happen to end this. Its just meant to be. This is the man that God made for me. I have no doubt.

Well, now that I've talked your ears off, I'd love to hear your comments. Tell me about your significant other. When you met/fell in love with/knew they were the one.

Much Love,

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