How Do I Do This?

I try not to think about it any more than I have to. But it's like this dark rain cloud following me everywhere, waiting to burst.

MY HUSBAND WILL BE GONE FOR A YEAR!!

The closer it gets, the more real it feels. He's packing his stuff, making piles of stuff for me to send him.

I can't sleep.

I lay in bed for hours. My mind going a hundred miles a minute. It doesn't stop.

What do I do?!

I have so many amazing people in my life, friends, family, other military wives. They are all telling me that I'm strong. I will be ok. I can do a lot while he's gone. Go to school, volunteer, lose weight, etc. And I know that I can and will do those things. And more. I'm not worried about those times.

I'm worried about the times when I'm at home. Alone. That's when the tears will come.

Heck, they do now! This is so hard.

This is me. Honest.

Much Love,

The Life of a Military Wife

I am just a few weeks into being a military wife. The depth of the meaning of "military spouse" has not yet quite caught up to me. I am still in the newlywed "honeymoon" stages. Of being married and being a military wife. I've got my "Army Wife" bumper sticker, license plate, key chain, mugs and hat! But am I really prepared for the responsibilities that this job carries?

I just finished reading "Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife" by Sarah Smiley. She tells about her experiences, and short comings, during her husband's sudden deployment. I think this book was good for me. It helped me understand a little more what its like. How it will be when my husband is 7000+ miles away for 12 months!

Every day is one day closer to the day he leaves. Every day is one day closer to the day that half my heart will be seperated from me. Every day is precious to me because I am dreading that day. I don't even know when THAT DAY is! They have told us what month. But it could be any day that month.

We have to start packing our apartment up. I am moving back to Nashville so I don't feel COMPLETELY alone for a year. I want to have the majority of our things packed up, because I will be moving after he deploys. Meaning I will be an emotional WRECK! I am NOT looking forward to that. IT WILL SUCK! Nevertheless, we are packing. (I AM looking forward to getting out of this crappy apartment!) We also have to pack the stuff he is taking with him. I think it has to ship out sometime next month. EEK! HOW do you pack for a YEAR!?! That is so overwhelming to me. They have given him a list of things to pack, but how do you pack stuff other than your military gear for twelve months?! I just don't know.

This is what I am going through. My daily thoughts. I lay in bed at night thinking about tons of things. Not able to go to sleep. It is so frustrating. How am I going to be able to sleep when he is not in the bed with me?

Much Love,

Sometimes people just IRK me

Sometimes the US Army really irks me. Or more specifically, the guys in the Army band that my husband-to-be works with. They had a gig tonight about an hour away. Matthew wanted us to go, so he was going to ride with us. Well, then he decided to go with the band, so we wouldn't have to sit out in the sun for several hours before they even started. Their form time was 4pm, leaving at 4:15pm. He got there at 4pm and they were already gone! They had left at 3:55pm. He was so mad because they left 20 minutes before they were supposed to and didn't even wait to see if he was going to ride with them.

Needless to say, he called me in a state of panic because he didn't have gas or money for gas, so I had to run to the gas station with some cash. Then he was frustrated because we weren't ready to go and now we have to drive 2 cars.

Oh well. C'est la vie.

Much Love,